My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
