Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she peed on how many people?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
