We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
