Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
