you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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