this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
