No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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