i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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