Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
