What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
