She is in my trunk
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
