Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
