watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I believe in your delicious
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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