I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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