I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
