we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
