I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
