how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How does one acquire holy water?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
