atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
