I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
