Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
