we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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