So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
