By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I CAN MOONWALK!
The best revenge is premature balding
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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