Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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