i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
