Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
