Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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