put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
