And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
