You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
