I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
