The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
