She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
