I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your penis caused this!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
