Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
