I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
