I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can feel your judgement through the phone
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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