You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
