Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
