he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
