It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
