we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
