Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
