maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
