I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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