I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
