It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
