The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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