it was like his penis was on wheels.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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