just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Help. Why am I so naked?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
