sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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