i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
